Poetic (in)justice from Sheriff’s Office?

by | Apr 17, 2024 | ALLFFP, Police and Fire, Stafford

In honor of National Haiku Poetry Day, Stafford County Sheriff’s Office Major Shawn Kimmitz penned all of the crime reports on April 17 in the form of haiku, a style of Japanese poetry that is non-rhyming and usually consists of three lines with a syllable pattern of 5-7-5. 

  • ANIMAL CONTROL Huckstep Avenue, 4/16, 9:31 a.m. Rottweilers got loose. Neighbor received injury. Dogs were arrested.  
  • ASSAULT Stafford High School, 4/16, 7:20 a.m.  Wawa parking lot, Words exchanged, boils over at school, Charges come for both.  
  • DRUGS Colonial Forge High School, 4/16, 10:30 a.m.  Vape in student’s pants. Staff declared this second time, Deputy charge kid.  
  • DUI Cropp Road, 4/16, 12:42 a.m.  Female drunk in car, At the scene of disturbance, Jail until sober. 
  • INTOXICATED PERSON  Coldsprings Drive, 4/16, 8:24 p.m.  Stranger in backyard, Slurred speech and liquor on breath, Safely put in jail.  
  • LARCENY Target, 1090 Stafford Market Place, 4/16, 10:06 a.m.  Ember Mugs stolen. Suspect found in state to south, Warrant is on file.  
  • THREATS  Garrisonville Elementary School, 4/16, 10:12 a.m.  Teachers got e-mail, Contains unsavory words, Author faces charge.  
  • TRAFFIC OFFENSE  3300 Block of Richmond Highway, 4/16, 8:35 p.m.  Cop car mirror struck, Passing car too close to scene, Slow down, move over!
  • VANDALISM  Tanglewood Lane, 4/16, 7:09 a.m.  Front yard full of ruts, Disabled car is to blame. Police seek owner. 

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